Bob (left), the Mighty Indians (center) & Me (right)
The Nadalet’s weren’t perfect, but when their warts reached the light of day, they were nothing out of the ordinary or at least not so bad to me. For instance, the time Mrs. Nadalet complained to me about the men in her family that refused to take care of her Teflon frying pan. I don’t think it was my empathy she was seeking, but rather some kind of calling out in the dark to see if anyone was there.
Mrs. Nadalet was out numbered by testosterone in her home, and though she and her two daughters tried to circle the wagons, their valiant stands were no match for Mr. Nadalet and his three sons.
I first met Bob when we became teammates on one of the Boy’s Club basketball teams. It’s a little ironic that the name has been changed to Boy’s and Girl’s Club–I’m hoping Mrs. Nadalet had something to do with the inclusion of girls. If not, I know she did in spirit!
Mr. Nadalet and Mr. Reinstien coached our team, but put in a lot overtime because of me. If I could dribble the ball, I couldn’t run and dribble. If I took a shot, there was a clanging of the metal backboard that sounded the alarm that I had missed another shot! That clang reverberated from the blacktop basketball courts, through the play ground to the grass field, then to the backstop on the far baseball field which boomeranged the sound right back like a flashing Vegas neon sign that pointed directly at me. Never the sweet, swish sound of the ball reaching nothing but net!
The two coaches worked with me after practice while Bob and Mr. Reinstein’s son, Steve, waited by shooting and scoring at will on the opposite court. The extra work probably got them in trouble with their wife’s (pre-cell phone days!) and disappointment from their own children, all vying for time. It took me a while, even into my own marriage, to understand and then reminded again when I had a son of my own, that time with dad is precious.
Time away, too many days, too many evenings breaks a family down. It’s like driving with a flat tire–you veer to one side and the ride is bumpy and loud. Work is one thing, as is volunteerism, but when there’s no balance dopey, preventable things start to happen. With the Reinstain’s and the Nadalet family, there must have been more balance than not. (BTW Mr & Mrs Nadalet celebrated their 90th birthday’s this past summer–Praise God!)
Although Bob and his family lived up on a hill and I lived at the bottom, the Nadalet’s never made me feel bad that they were on one side of middle class and my single, working mom, brother and me were on the other side. I loved being at their house because each member of the Nadalet family “just was” which meant that I could “just be.”
As Bob and I got older, about our junior and especially senior year in high school, my reputation (a not a so lovable one) may have reached the Nadalet home. I began to hear a slightly different tone, like I had been guilty of scraping some of the Teflon off of Mrs. Nadalet’s frying pan. I felt bad about that and tried (possibly too hard, a-la Eddie Haskle on “Leave It To Beaver”) but the “just be” had left the building! I sincerely wanted them to know that I cared so much about what they thought of me, but I didn’t know how.
A few years after high school, Bob got married. Bob’s older brother and I stood up with the groom. Although I was honored and proud to be part of the wedding, I felt like my involvement was a source of stress for Bob’s parents–whether it was in my head and nothing could have been further from the truth, I felt a little sheepish.
I can’t remember if we rented suits or not, but I do remember buying a new pair of black shoes, and I worked hard to write a loving toast to the bride and groom.
The wedding was beautiful! The reception was festive, but before I had too much fun, I was nervous and wanted to go over the parts of my toast that hadn’t yet been committed memory. I ran out to my car to retrieve my notes and was on my way back when my new shoes failed me. I slipped on the highly polished floor as I was passing the grooms parents. Flat on my back, Mr. And Mrs. Nadalet looked down at me like I had turned out to be the black sheep they feared was true, and in doing so, scraping off way more Teflon than all of her Nadalet men combined!
I looked up at them and said, “I promise, I’m not drunk!” I didn’t want to disappoint them and knew that I had. No promises, no loving words to their son and his bride could restore the Teflon pan that I had now all but destroyed.
Life became busy after that day. I’m not sure that I’ve spoken to Bob’s parents since that day. Even now, almost 50 year’s since I met Bob and his dad, I have to hold back tears at the thought of letting Bob’s parents down. Isn’t it odd that we can hold onto feelings all of our life? Even if the issue was resolved or just something an over-active, or less-than-others mind grinds on you when the thought comes up–feeling less-than does not build relationships, it pulls someone you care about in with one hand but pushes them away with the other.
I choose to think that Mr. and Mrs. Nadalet’s disapproval was because they worried about me. They knew I was capable of better. They cared and that to me shows love. I love them back!
God allows circumstances in our life so that we can learn something on the other side. The “other side” may not be when a circumstance happens, or even a few days after. Sometimes it’s months or years later, depending on how thick headed you are, before the “other side” dawns on you. When we arrive at the “other side” we can learn from the circumstance(s). We learn there’s a better way, a way to pass on, a way to love others. I’m so thankful for the Nadalet’s, and so many others that helped teach me by modeling love.
God allowed Jesus to go through circumstances that were not of His making. (Matthew 16:21) They were our circumstances, our misgivings, our sin. But Jesus sacrificed himself for us and took away every sin. (1 Peter 3:8) By recognizing the sacrifice Jesus made, by thanking Him, asking for His forgiveness, and asking for a new life, a Christ-centered life, a life that loves God and loves others, He is so ready and willing to forgive you! (1 Peter 1:8) Did you know that there’s even a party in heaven for you? (Luke 15:10) Did you know He will take away the guilt and shame, and turn into love for Him and love for others? (Hebrews 2:17) Even what you perceived as other’s being afraid of you is changed to love. (Revelation 21:5)
The old life is a scratched up, crud-clinging fry pan! The new life is a scratch-free Teflon pan where every scratch is turned new again by our Father in heaven. That to me shows love. I love Him back!
Until next time, peace and joy,
Steve
“and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you,” 1 Peter 1:4 NIV
Encouraging The Word 